Impending Doom - movie extra work

Today I'll be do another movie background extra part in a movie Brother's Keeper.

I didn't really sleep last night and got up with a feeling of impending doom, even tho I feel like I have everything covered. The worst part for me is the wardrobe. Only part that gets judged as it's my clothes and I never think they have what they are looking for.
As I don't have a job, I'm partially doing this to get me back in the 'going to work' mode. Plus I really could use a few extra dollars.

These shoots tend to be long and really boring if you don't find anyone to talk to. I have nothing to bring either except my book called 'Painfully Shy' (I took the dust jacket off, but it still has in bright red on the spine the name. Ahh!) I'm always too nervous to be able to read much anyway.

I have taken some Klonopin, which helps A LOT. It alleviates that horrible nausea/clammy hands/diarrhea/gut wrenching internal fear that makes you want to just remove all those nasty organs on the inside that cause these problems. lol. A physical feeling that only makes things worst.

It's also almost freezing, but I'll probably be inside (I hope) for most of the shoot. I've done about nine of these shoots before over the last few years, so I kind of know what to expect. But I will just suddenly get very nervous at times and I'm not always sure why.

I don't have a big problem in large crowds, but I have to admit, it's probably due to the meds. Without them I would never have considered doing these things. But they don't provide social skills and often I'm left alone with no one to talk to feeling even more awkward about being there.

I was called yesterday for my call time, but I thought they said on the 20th, as I have it scheduled for around that time, but I was half asleep when they called. But then late yesterday I get a call late at night telling me when to show up today!!! So I'm going to need to call and ask embarrassingly if I do in fact have work scheduled for that later date.

I just don't feel right calling them because I feel they're too busy with more important things to deal with than me at any time. I tend to put the calls off till later, but that just makes it that much harder usually.

When I get nervous I panic about details and this leads to even more confusion and more panic as I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to do. Everything's so minor to everyone else, but I need to know these things. I can't deal with, "Don't worry about it", when the details are things I do need to know in order to get stuff done. (If worry was my only problem, that would make it a bit easier)

Ah, life with SA. Who could ask for more...